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Saturday, November 11, 2006

Just Something

Last night I felt my muse sit up and blink in the bright light of day. It had been asleep a long while. We, my muse and I, stayed awake until after midnight writing with an intent and purpose that I haven't felt in months. It was wonderful and encouraging.

However, this morning I am reminded why for five months I have found it so hard to write: children. No sooner do I start to get meditative and in a literary groove, than my two youngest are swirling around my ankles screaming and hitting, pulling on my clothes, and the appalling odor of a soiled diaper asserts itself.

And so, out of my meditative mood I pop, irritated and snapping. How did Madeleine L'Engle and my other mentors do it? Where did she find the reserves of energy and motivation? I feel like crying.

Should I actually be able to keep my muse awake for awhile, I should point out that the work I'm embarking on is not blog-able. I am re-working previously written essays in a bold-faced attempt to assemble a manuscript. Should that ever come to pass, then with the utter conviction it would be a waste of time to actually find a third-party publisher, I will probably self-publish.

Meanwhile, the TV is on from dawn to dusk (this time of year in Alaska that is not such an unreasonable amount of time) to "sit" the kids. My kids, as a side note, are fast becoming incurable nerds. I shovel books and writing on them, and refuse to enroll them in sports and other activites.

In the middle of the night last night it occured to me that writing may be the ultimate expression of self-love. And this from a woman who is trying very hard to be less self-conscious. This is something I'll have to ponder to make sense of.

Meanwhile, if you've already read this, then you have had a chance to see the embedded picture. Don't be deceived by the tortured looks on the kids' faces. They were very excited to trick-or-treat and not remotely unhappy. I'm not sure how we managed to capture expressions of such boredom and pain. In any case, it is the best shot of the night, so enjoy.


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