Home Alone

After maintaining a unnatural amount of serene composure for most of the last month, while we had company for the holidays, I am surprised to so fully crash today. Today is the first full day without company since December 20th. But rather than a euphoric attitude of reclamation and freedom, I am depressed and sluggish.

I spent some time with the kids today – they have the day off from school, in celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. With Sabrina, I talked about Dr. King, and my description of his heroism made me cry. I watched Sesame Street with the kids, and all the actors from my own childhood happened to be on today – Luis, Maria, Susan, Gordon, and Bob. That made me cry too.

Household chores were on today’s “To Do” list. While I lay on the guest bed sobbing, Bruce did some vacuuming. Later, after pulling myself together, I worked on the kitchen. Amazing how quickly I remembered how to do dishes again after a four-week respite.

I cleared off some kitchen countertops that were stacked high with all kinds of detritus. From the “wine counter,” I removed flash cards, photo albums, paperclips, a Christmas box, the new Frank McCourt book, baby wipes, and some kid drawings. From the “telephone counter” there were magazines, books, lotion, one toothbrush, more baby wipes, lots of stickers, and various other things.

All Evan’s soiled diapers are now mine to change, as is all the food preparation and cleanup. I alone am responsible for identifying empty food and water dishes for the dogs.

Woe to the friends who have tried to call me today. I have been unable to muster much enthusiasm for them.

I work tonight, so in a few minutes I will go shower and get “human.” It’s probably a good thing, because the idea of curling fetal position in bed all day is very appealing.